A Crafty Chameleon
by Blackkitten23
Summary: Deadlast, idiot, knucklehead, these are words used to describe one Naruto Uzumaki. In reality Naruto is one of the strongest ninja in Konoha and is considered a 'jack of all trades' to those who know the real him. On his next mission he will come across some people he never thought he'd meet and he's not happy about it! – Yaoi Boy X Boy – Bloodlines/ROOT ANBU/Neglect Naruto - Harem
1. The News

**I don't own Naruto or any anime OR anything and I don't make a profit off of my stories**

**Rated M for sexual content and language and violence**

**(**I'm thinking)  
>"I'm speaking"<br>**"Demon / summon / ghost speaking"  
><strong>**(Demon / summon / ghost thinking)  
><strong>/Author's comments\

**This is Yaoi Male x Male**

**Pairing: Harem - Naruto x OC /**

XXXXXXXXXX

There was a large mob of angry villagers and ninja surrounding a small apartment that was on fire.

"DIE DEMON SCUM!" screamed a villager

"the demon can't get out right?" asked another villager

one ninja smirked "no way, we sealed him inside this time. He won't get out"

"ha good, let the demon burn"

*hiss*crackle*pop*hiss*snap*sizzle*crack* were the sounds given off by the big pile of burnt debris after burning for an hour. The mob broke apart and went their separate ways. No one saw a small soot covered mouse scramble out of the debris and scurry away.

XXXXXXXXXX

In the Sarutobi compound Hiruzen and Danzo were enjoying cup of tea and a game of chess.

"ahh what a lovely day" said Sarutobi

Danzo hummed in agreement as he sacrificed his pawn "it's hard to believe Naruto has been a member of my ROOT division for 7 years now and it has nothing to do with those bloodlines"

"that's right, he tries not to use his bloodlines during his missions so he won't become dependent on them ... you know Orochimaru still feels bad about that, right?"

Danzo sighed "I know, he asked me to run background checks again which is a good practice anyway, but he's clearly still freaked out about what happened to Naruto when he was 8 ... he shouldn't blame himself though, no one could've known that that nutcase scientist would make his lab air tight so he could gas and abducted Naruto so he could use him as a subject in his sick experiments ... I think finding Naruto floating in that large capsule was the scariest thing i've seen ... "

Hiruzen nodded "for me to and Naruto would be dead if Orochimaru didn't stablize him in time ... at least one good thing came from that, those bloodlines are impressive"

"which one do you think is more impressive, The Ghost bloodline a bloodline that allows Naruto to faze through solid objects and turn invisible or Mimic, a bloodline that gives Naruto the ability see when someone has a bloodline and if he wants he can copy it or turn it off or destroy it or The Shifter a bloodline that gives you the actual ability to shape shift using either a sample of DNA as blueprint or his imagination to change into whatever he wants with chakra and calories as the only limitations?"

Hiruzen chuckled "they are all incredible so it's hard to chose ... you know, i think it's not the bloodlines at all that impress me, but how Naruto handles them. i mean he has all these bloodlines and has yet to become arrogant like most people would with only one bloodline"

Just then Orochimaru entered the house carrying a stack of papers.

"hey Danzo, Father I have the reports for all experiments here ... umm Danzo are you sure all of these scientists are ... sane?"

/AC: Hurizen Sarutobi adopted Orochimaru when his parents died, which is way he calls Sarutobi, father. Orochimaru then adopted Naruto\

Danzo chuckled "yes, Orochimaru, my ROOT anbu investigated each one, they're all clean"

"squeak squeak" Danzo, Hiruzen, and Orochimaru all turned to see a small black mouse bounding toward them leaving a trail of soot behind him. They knew who it was.

"you better wash those paws before you come inside Naruto" the mouse skidded to a stop at Hiruzen's comment and checked his paws. He gave a shocked squeak when he saw that he was covered in soot and ash and he quickly scurried over to the small pond on the Sarutobi property and with a little *plop* jumped in. There was something hysterical about a mouse doing the butterfly stroke.

mouse/Naruto hopped out of the water shook off the excess. Suddenly the mouse went from a tiny mouse to a 6' 3" tall blue eyed blonde 17 year old boy in a neon orange jumpsuit.

Naruto sheepishly scratched the whisker marks on his cheek "sorry about that Jiji, today was the annual burning of the Demon's Dwelling" Sarutobi and Danzo frowned at that, they hated the way boy they considered a grandson was treated.

Orochimaru rolled his eyes "don't those stupid villagers get bored? Good thing they haven't figured out that your apartments are only decoys and not where you live" he said as he set his papers down on the coffee table and gave Naruto a hug.

Danzo pulled out a scroll from his yukata and gave it to Naruto "here this mission will get you away for a while. Just leave a clone to take your place at the academy like always"

Naruto took the scroll and read it "SWEET! An Espionage mission and it's in … NEW YORK! Cool, I better pack and get out of this god awful jumpsuit! Thank you Opa!" and the secret ROOT anbu ran upstairs.

/AC: Opa – german term for Grandpa – in this story Danzo is german. He was found near a shipwreck after a bad storm as a child and was taken to the newly built village called Konoha where he stayed. Though young, Danzo knew a lot about the places beyond the elemental nations and it's because of him that Konoha was the first ninja village to take missions in foreign countries in the form of the ROOT anbu division ... I was bored ... watching a WW2 documentary ... so yeah\

Orochimaru chuckled "you know you spoil him right?" The snake nin teased

"that's what grandfathers are for " said Danzo

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was all packed and was about to go to the airport.

Orochimaru was fussing "Be safe. Remember to check in once get to airport ... and when you land ... and when you reach the hotel and -"

Naruto cut him off with a hug "I know Dad I will check in as much as possible, promise" he gave Orochimaru a kiss on the cheek "bye Jiji" give Sarutobi a hug "bye Opa" gives Danzo a hug.

Just before Naruto leaves he says "Oh and Dad don't let Scarface keep you up all night" Naruto laughed as he ducked a kunai, which was thrown by a red faced snake sannin, and vanished in a smokeless, sealless, leafless body flicker.

The flight was uneventful and Naruto was able to find a good hotel for the next 5 nights. Naruto was able to find his target in only a couple hours and kept tabs on him with clones until any evidence of illegal activity comes up, which is what he was hired to find.

At first he thought it was a regular 'spy on a corrupt business man' kind of mission, but then he noticed the body guards.

Both were S ranked ninja in the Bingo book. If this guy was in league with ninja this could be a problem.

As Naruto was siting at a local café, planning on how to bypass his targets guards, he got the memories from one of his clones. His target just got airplane tickets. One way tickets to a place with no extradition treaty. Also, the man was helping finance a group of ninja called the Akatsuki. Naruto knew this demon container hunting group all to well.

No one noticed him summon a small teacup sized chameleon to his side and whisper what he just learned to it. The little chameleon disappeared in a puff of smoke to tell Danzo this information.

Just before Naruto left the café he saw a family of six stop for ice cream in the shop across the street. Naruto smiled, he knew his Jiji would get a kick out of the family since they reminded him of people who died long ago. So he sent a clone with a camera seal to follow the family.

2 hours later, while Naruto is sitting on his hotel bed, he got word from Danzo. The mission has changed from espionage to assassination.

Less than an hour later the target was dead do to a 'mix up' of medication and the police came across a large amount of evidence, conveniently placed on his laptop, linking him to many crimes. No one noticed the blonde teen watching from a distance.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was in his hotel room listening to the news report of his victim's death when he remembered the clone he sent after the family. He told the clone to come back through the mental link. Ten minutes later the clone was in the hotel room.

"here you go boss" said the clone as he handed the camera seal to Naruto. Naruto transferred the camera seal to a DVD format and the clone dispelled himself.

Naruto's eyes widened as he started getting his clone's memories

"what" he muttered in disbelief

"What?!" he yelled in dis belief as he received more memories

"WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!" he screamed

He fell to his knees stunned at what he learned and whispered in a weak hushed voice "why?"


	2. Shattered

**I don't own Naruto or any anime OR anything and I don't make a profit off of my stories**

**Rated M for sexual content and language and violence**

** (**I'm thinking)  
>"I'm speaking"<br>**"Demon / summon / ghost speaking"  
><strong>**(Demon / summon / ghost thinking)  
><strong>/Author's comments\\

**This Yaoi Male x Male**

**Pairing: Naruto x OC /**

**Last Time:**

"What?!" he yelled in disbelief as he received more memories

"WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!" he screamed

He fell to his knees stunned at what he learned and whispered in a weak hushed voice "why?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Orochimaru was doing laundry when Sarutobi came in and flopped on to the couch.

Sarutobi smiled "it's nice to have this free time"

"need I remind you who you owe this free time to" said Orochimaru

Sarutobi twitched as he remembered that day ...

** Flashback **

A small blonde 8 year old was relaxing in his Jiji's office after a hard day of training with his Opa. He watched as his Jiji tried to do his paperwork and was failing miserably if the quickly growing stack of papers was any indication.

Orochimaru entered the office "hi father, ready go home Naruto"

The little blonde nodded "yes Dad"

"WAIT please Orochimaru invent something to help with this paperwork" pleaded the kage

"sorry father, I wouldn't know were to begin" Natuto started laughing and the snake sannin smiled "What's so funny Naruto? Do you know how to help your Jiji?"

Naruto grinned "no Dad" *POOF* a shadow clone appeared and Naruto asked "do you know how to help Jiji?"

Clone A said "nope sorry"

*POOF* another clone appeared "how about you?"

Clone B said "how would I know, I'm just a shadow clone"

All three Narutos said "sorry Jiji" and the clones were dispelled

Orochimaru was laughing hysterically and Sarutobi was so shocked that his jaw dropped and made spider web cracks in his desk. It was so obvious, Shadow Clones!

"Naruto you just earned yourself some ice cream" said the snake sannin as he picked up the 8 year old who was taking advantage of Sarutobi's shocked state by doodling on the hokage's face with a permanent marker.

"YAY ice cream!"

** Flashback end **

"I hope you didn't tell Danzo about that and why didn't you grab Naruto before he started drawing on me? I had a meeting next" pouted Sarutobi

Orochimaru snickered "calm down I never told Danzo that you were outsmarted by an eight year old and I swear I tried to grabbed him sooner, but he over powered me" said the snake sannin in a tone that screamed 'I could've grabbed him sooner, but I didn't want to'

Sarutobi twitched "I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd say you really were Naruto's father, not only are you both sarcastic you both like to torment me too"

When Sarutobi didn't get a response he turned and saw that the snake nin was looking at a calendar next to the laundry room. He watched as Orochimaru crossed off a day and started writing down a list that contained ingredients for Naruto's favorite meal and dessert.

The ageing hokage couldn't help but chuckle and that caught the snake nin's attention "what's so funny father?"

"I just realized how much you've changed. You're not the distant and emotionless boy I adopted all those years ago. You've grown into a loving and caring person who worries about someone. It's just good to see that ... speaking of caring, how's Ibiki?" he smiled

Orochimaru blushed "I'm not discussing my love life with a pervert, besides I have shopping to do before Naruto gets home" he said as he rushed out of the compound hoping to avoid an embarrassing conversation.

Sarutobi chuckled "_love_ life huh? interesting"

XXXXXXXXXX

*crash*caw*flapping*caw*caw*

Sarutobi woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of crashing and flapping coming from downstairs. He went downstairs to look. When he made it downstairs he saw a bird flapping wildly, sending feathers everywhere. Sarutobi's eyes widened as the bird turned into Naruto ... a pale half dead Naruto.

The hokage darted forward when the blonde started to fall and caught him "Naruto! Naruto wake up!"

His yelling woke Orochimaru who ran into the room "oh god, we need to get him to the infirmary now!"

They carried the unconscious teen to the infirmary in the Sarutobi compound and set him on the bed. For anybody else they would've taken them to the hospital, but for Naruto the hospital is to dangerous because even the medical staff will try to kill him since they also foolishly believe he is the nine tails reincarnated.

Orochimaru set up an IV "he must've shifted and flew all the way here, but why? He could've killed himself"

Sarutobi gasped as Naruto woke up and grabbed his arm "must ... watch" the blonde shakily reached into his pocket and pulled out a DVD. Once Sarutobi took it Naruto past out.

The snake nin looked at the DVD and back at Naruto "what could you have found that would lead you to nearly kill yourself?" he brushed Nrauto's bangs out of his eyes and looked at the blonde's face. Naruto's eyes and cheeks were sunken in like a skeleton as if he went weeks without food. Just having the shape shifting bloodline boosts the metabolism, but using it raises it even more. If Naruto isn't careful he could starve to death in a few days.

"well Orochimaru, lets go see what he found" said Sarutobi as they proceeded to the living room. Sarutobi put the DVD into DVD player and pushed play.

Two hours later Sarutobi and Orochimaru were sitting on the couch starring at the TV in a stunned silence.

"I know it's late, but I think Danzo will want to see this" said Sarutobi as set pulse of chakra into a seal on his hand.

Ten seconds later Danzo appeared "this better be good Hiruzen, that seal is for emergencies only"

"this is, sit down and watch" said Sarutobi

"I can't watch this again I'm going to check on Naruto" said Orochimaru as he quickly left the room.

Danzo looked confused "wait, Naruto is here already? That's very fast! He shouldn't have been back for 3 or 4 days. Watch what, Hiruzen?"

"this"

Two hours later Hiruzen Sarutobi turned off the DVD player for the second time that night and looked at his old friend who was glaring at the TV.

Danzo said, in a deceptively calm tone, "so let me get this strait ... Minato, Kushina and their eldest daughters, Mito and Karin, are alive ... we only thought they were dead because Tsunade showed us the corpse clone jutsu and Jiraiya did a reverse summon to hide them for a while ... and on top of all this, Naruto has a twin brother which we didn't know about because they took him with them and he has a little sister ... and Naruto is not the container for the nine tails, his twin is and they have been living a happy life in a pent house in New York, is that it?" Hiruzen nodded "I see ... WHAT THE FUCK!" he bellowed.

"dammit, Danzo be quiet, Naruto is still recovering" hissed Hiruzen

Danzo's eyes narrowed "Naruto could shave two days off any trip just by removing his weight seal, but not 3 or 4 days, Hiruzen how did Naruto get here so fast?"

Hiruzen sighed "he shifted into a bird and flew here"

"what? Is he ok?" Hiruzen nodded "good, cause I'm going to kill him. Does he remember what could happen if he used the shifter for too long? He could've killed himself "

"I know Opa, it was stupid" the two veteran shinobi looked up and saw Naruto leaning on Orochimaru. He still looked pretty sick, but the fact that he was standing was a good sign.

Danzo sighed "it's fine as long as you're ok, but don't do something like that again! Now, what do we do about _them_?" the warhawk was clearly referring to the Namikazes.

Naruto frowned as he sat down "we don't have to worry about them right now since they don't intend to return for six months"

Hiruzen asked "why?"

"not sure exactly, they said they had to pick up someone named Arashi first, but that is around the time of the genin exams, could that be it?" wondered the blonde

Danzo nodded "that could be it. If they came back at that time then Minato could arrange the teams any way he wanted and I guess your older brother Arashi being alive too isn't a surprise" Naruto frowned, he had an older brother too, he cringed at the thought of being forced onto a team with one of his siblings after he went to all that trouble to botch his grades so he would get the team he wanted ... it's just not fair!

"that makes sense. It is possible because Jiraiya knew the graduation age was changed after the Uchiha Massacre and he is most likely keeping in contact with them by using the toads. We really can't do any thing for now except keep living as if we know nothing about this, got it?" everyone agreed "good, Naruto go back to bed and let yourself recover" Naruto pouted, but did as told because he could tell his Jiji was not in the mood for games. Not only did Naruto almost kill himself, but he found out two of his students have betrayed him by keeping secrets ... yes his Jiji was not in a good mood.


	3. Approaching Apocalypse

**I don't own Naruto or any anime OR anything and I don't make a profit off of my stories**

**Rated M for sexual content and language and violence**

**(**I'm thinking)  
>"I'm speaking"<br>**"Demon / summon / ghost speaking"  
>(Demon  summon / ghost thinking)  
><strong>/Author's comments\

**This is Yaoi Male x Male**

**Pairing: Harem – Naruto x OC 'Dan' / OC**

**Last Time:**

"that makes sense. It is possible because Jiraiya knew the graduation age was changed after the Uchiha Massacre and he is most likely keeping in contact with them by using the toads. We really can't do any thing for now except keep living as if we know nothing about this, got it?" everyone agreed "good, Naruto go back to bed and let yourself recover" Naruto pouted, but did as told because he could tell his Jiji was not in the mood for games. Not only did Naruto almost kill himself, but he found out two of his students have betrayed him by keeping secrets … yes his Jiji was not in a good mood.

XXXXXXXXXX

6 months later ...

Naruto was sitting on the tree swing outside of the academy with a look of sadness on his face (Dammit, how long do I have pretend to be sad for failing the exam? Where is that traitorous bastard Mizuki? ... OH is that hi- no not him ... bored ... bored ... bored ... SOOOO very bored ... finally, there he is …..… god, he walks slow)

"hello, Naruto" smiled Mizuki

"hello Mizuki-sensei" said a 'sad' 'heartbroken' Naruto

"now Naruto, don't be sad. Iruka is only doing what he thinks is best. You know you are a lot like him when he was younger" said the traitor

(yes I know, I read his file) "really?" asked Naruto

Mizuki nodded "you know Naruto, there is a way to become a genin"

Naruto's eyes lit up (Finally, we're getting somewhere) "seriously, sensei?! What is it?"

"all you have to do is steal the Forbidden Scroll and meet me at the shack in the woods"

(oooooh you are so dead when I get my hands on you) "you got it Mizuki-sensei" the ROOT anbu jumped off the swing and ran away, seemingly excited to become a ninja.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto held a large scroll and was waiting for Mizuki. To be safe he made two shadow clones and ordered them to hide in the trees incase he needs backup. He heard someone coming and got ready, but the person who came out was not Mizuki, it was Iruka!

"Naruto! Why did you steal the Forbidden Scroll?"

Naruto mentally groaned (this was supposed to stay quiet so that means that little prick Mizuki must have sounded the alarm ... time to play dumb) "it's about time you got here Iruka-sensei, I mastered a jutsu from the scroll, do I pass now?"

"what do you mean pass, Naruto?" asked a perplexed chunin

"well, Mizuki-sensei said that if I learned one jutsu from that scroll I could become a ninja. So do I pass? Huh huh do I? do I?" said an 'excited' Naruto

Mizuki appeared from the trees and Iruka yelled at him "Mizuki, what's going on?"

Naruto gave a sarcastic reply in his head (duh he's clearly out for a relaxing stroll and not betraying the village)

Mizuki sneered "it must be my lucky day, not only do I get to kill the demon before ditching this village, but you as well Iruka"

Iruka glared "your betraying the Leaf? you traitor!"

Mizuki gave a smug smirk "yes I'm leaving this pathetic village, but first ... you, demon" Naruto looks at him "do you know why everyone hates you? It's because the story about the Fourth hokage defeating the nine tails isn't true. The demon couldn't be killed so the Fourth-"

"Mizuki STOP! Don't tell him! Naruto don't listen to him!" Iruka screamed

"the Fourth had to seal it away! he sealed it in you! YOU'RE the demon" cue Mizuki's psychotic laugh. Mizuki's laugh trailed off when he noticed Naruto wasn't freaking out.

After a few seconds of silence Naruto said "yeah, no shit Sherlock" (god, he's stupid)

"you knew!" screamed Mizuki

"well you and the villagers aren't exactly subtle. I figured it out somewhere between the phrases 'kill the demon fox' and 'let's finish what the Fourth started' ... demon fox ... the Fourth ... my birthday, it didn't take a rocket scientist"(and what's really funny is that I'm not demon vessel my twin brother is ... this is like a bad soap opera)

Mizuki growled "so what! I'll kill you anyway!" the silver haired chunin threw a giant shuriken at the blonde.

Naruto was planning to swap with a clone, but Iruka threw himself on Naruto to block the blade. The anbu's reflexes kicked in and he flipped Iruka onto his back and let the blade rip into his flesh.

While Iruka was praying for Naruto to be ok, the hidden clones threw a few kunai at Mizuki. The chunin, thinking he was being followed, grabbed the scroll and ran. The clones henged into average ROOT anbu and stepped out of the shadows.

Root clone 1 said "Uzumaki has been injured, go tell the hokage" ROOT clone 2 nodded left as ROOT clone 1 helped support Naruto, but Iruka was glaring at him.

"Iruka-san, we need to get him medical attention"

"why should I give him to you? I know anbu hate Naruto and the people at the hospital will try to kill him"

"ROOT anbu like myself aren't as stupid as regular anbu and I was going to take him to the Sarutobi compound for treatment"

Iruka relented and helped Naruto up and let Root anbu support him "wait, what about the Forbidden Scroll!?"

Naruto answered in a 'weak' voice "that wasn't the Forbidden Scroll … when Mizuki told me about a test something didn't … seem right so I told Jiji … that scroll was fill with paint bombs that are … tied to this wireless detonator" he 'weakly' reached into his pocket and pulled a small black square with a red button "want to press it, sensei?"

Iruka took the detonator and pressed the button *BOOM* and a very colorful Mizuki went flying leaving a trail of bright glowing pinks, greens, purples, yellows, oranges and blues across the sky. The tie dyed chunin landed directly on the hokage tower!

Iruka couldn't help but smile before making sure the ROOT anbu took Naruto to the Sarutobi compound.

XXXXXXXXXX

"you sure you're ok, Naruto?" asked Iruka

"yes, I'm fine Iruka-sensei" Naruto smiled as he rested on the infirmary bed.

"ok, I'll see you tomorrow for team assignments"

Hiruzen came into the room "actually I'm postponing the team assignments two weeks so Naruto can fully recover"

Iruka smiled and nodded.

The second Iruka left Naruto jumped out of bed and his wounds were gone "why two weeks, Jiji?"

The third hokage reached into his robe and pulled out a scroll. He gave Naruto the scroll.

When he finished reading it he gave a bitter laugh and said "so they're coming in 12 days … 18 years, 18 Fucking years and all they have to say is 'I'm sorry we had to deceive you. can't wait to see Naruto. We hope he's being good'. They hope I'm behaving! I don't think I can handle this shit!"

"how about a quick mission before meeting them?" Hiruzen handed Naruto a scroll.

Naruto looked at the scroll suspiciously "a mission now? What are you up to old man?"

"I'm not up to anything. I just think you need something to take your mind off things before you kill the man who will relieve me of that paperwork for good"

"hmmm ok, I'll go" he shot Hiruzen a suspicious glance before leaving.

Hiruzen sweatdropped (he knows me too well ... I'm sorry Naruto, but you've been avoiding _him_ for to long)

XXXXXXXXXX

The mission was to go to a certain hotel room and pick up a package. Naruto made it to the hotel room. He opened the door and went in.

When the door snapped shut behind him he sensed someone in the room "hello Naruto"

Naruto whirled around to face the speaker "Dan, w-what are you doing here?"

Dan, a slender dark skinned 20 year old man with short black hair and silver eyes, stood up and walked over to Naruto "care to explain why you haven't contacted me in six mouths, love"

Naruto took a step back and broke out into a cold sweat (I knew you were up to something old man)

XXXXXXXXXX

"where is Naruto?" wondered Orochimaru as he Kabuto, Anko, Ibiki, Asuma, Konohamaru and Hiruzen were seated in the living room.

"he's on a mission" said Hiruzen

Orochimaru's eyes narrowed "you sent Naruto on a mission right after we got word from _them, _what's really going on, Father?"

Hiruzen chuckled nervously "well ... I actually sent him to see Dan ... without telling him"

Asuma winced "Naruto has been avoiding Dan for six months he won't be let off easy"

Anko snickered "Naruto is going to get beat up, poor kid"

"how did Naruto meet Dan?" asked Konohamaru

"Dan might not look it, but he's actually a very strong assassin from the states. He was hired to kill the daimyo's son, Zuko, but Naruto stopped him, but instead of killing him, Naruto gave him some information on the man who hired him. It turns out the man who hired Dan was going to kill him. So Dan, with Naruto's help, took down the corrupt bastard" said Ibiki

"cool, so that's how Dan started his business dedicated to getting rid these bad guys, right?" asked an awestruck Konohamaru

"yes and it's no surprise they started dating three years ago" said the snake sage as he hoped Naruto would come back in one piece.

XXXXXXXXXX

"well Naruto, I'm waitin-mmm" Naruto pressed his lips to Dan's cutting him off, but Dan pushed him off "dammit Naruto, I want to-mmm" he was silenced by another kiss. Naruto held the smaller male up against him, ignoring the struggling to break free.

Dan didn't put up a fight for long though. Each motion of Naruto lips against his quickly destroyed his restraint and soon he was kissing back. For the next few hours the only sounds that were is the rustling of fabric and loud blissful moans.

When the two lovers finally took a break Dan asked "can you tell me what's going on Naruto?" the smaller blonde pressed his naked body up against Naruto's and kissed his neck, trying to encourage the ninja to talk.

Naruto sighed "six months ago I came across some info that was ... enlightening, to say the least. You know about my father the Fourth hokage and my family dying during the nine tails attack right, it's a lie. Jiraiya took them to the toad summoning world for awhile and Tsunade showed everyone the corpse clone jutsu. They'll be arriving in about 10 days"

"why would they abandon you?" asked an astonished Dan

"they wanted to train my twin brother Natsu, the real demon vessel without any interruptions"

"what do you mean 'real demon vessel'? you aren't kyuubi's container? Why did your grandfathers say you were and why do you have to put up with those fucking villagers?"

"don't be mad at Jiji and Opa. They didn't know anything. They didn't know about my twin or the faked deaths. They found me, the only surviving member, that night radiating demon chakra and had no choice, but to assume I was the container. They now think I had demon chakra simply because Kushina was a demon vessel. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I guess my brain just kind of shut down"

Dan shook his head and then kissed Naruto's chest "don't apologize love, I understand. Is there anything I can do?"

"no I have to face them on my own. I hope I don't kill them, at least not in front of my little sister"

Dan shrugged "little sister huh they wanted no interruptions and yet they continued to breed, well it wouldn't be a waste if you did kill one, but you know your grandfather paid for this room for 8 nights. It would be a waste not to use them" he smiled as he straddled the blonde's hips.

The two made full use of every night and day and surface in that hotel room. If the maids weren't Yaoi fans they would probably be mad about cleaning that room.

But it couldn't last forever. It was check out day and they had to leave.

"if you need me don't hesitate to call, ok?" said Dan as he walk out of the hotel with a noticeable limp in his step and sparkle in his eyes.

Naruto nodded kissed Dan again "I love you"

Dan smiled "I love you too" and the to went their separate ways.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto opened the door to the Sarutobi compound "oooh Jiji ... get out here you meddling old goat or I will blow up your porn collection!"

"NOOOOO please anything, but that!" screamed the old kage as he hurled himself at Naruto's feet.

"anything? Fine burn all those neon orange things in my closet the villagers forced me to wear and get me a new wardrobe and where are my medical records?"

Hiruzen raised an eyebrow "in the back room, why?"

"when I meet _them_ I want to show them exactly how badly they fucked up"


	4. Family Reunion from Hell!

**I don't own Naruto or any anime OR anything and I don't make a profit off of my stories**

**Rated M for sexual content and language and violence**

** (**I'm thinking)  
>"I'm speaking"<br>**"Demon / summon / ghost speaking"  
><strong>**(Demon / summon / ghost thinking)  
><strong>/Author's comments\

**This is Yaoi Male x Male**

**Pairing: Harem – Naruto x OC 'Dan' / **

**Last Time:**

"anything? Fine burn all those neon orange things in my closet the villagers forced me to wear and get me a new wardrobe and where are my medical records?"

Hiruzen raised an eyebrow "in the back room, why?"

"when I meet them I want to show them exactly how badly they fucked up"

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto walked down the hall to his Jiji's office. The hall seemed longer than usual. He reached the door and could hear laughing coming from inside. He opened the door and saw six people gathered around his Jiji's desk. Two red haired girls, one blonde girl, one blonde man holding a little redish blonde haired four year old girl, and finally one orange haired boy. Strange, where was Arashi?

Naruto ignored everyone else "do you need me Jiji?"

"yes Naruto, these people want a word with you"

Kushina walked over to Naruto "Naruto, my name is Kushina and this is Minato and we're your parents" she stepped forward and attempted to hug him, but he stepped back out of her reach making her pout.

"I know who he is, he's the fourth hokage, but I'm an orphan I have no parents" Naruto glared making Kushina wince.

Minato smiled "we're telling you the truth son! We are your family. This is your sister Mito" a 23 year old woman with her blonde hair pulled up in pigtails smiled at him "and this is your sister Karin" the 22 year old red haired girl with her hair pulled back into a pony tail she smiled "and I know this is strange, but this is Natsu your twin brother" the orange haired boy smiled "and this little cutie I'm holding is your little sister Mina"

Little Mina started struggling and Minato set her down.

She walked over to Naruto "are you my big brother?"

Naruto couldn't help but smile as he picked up Mina "yes I guess I am"

Minato and the others smiled as if this was going to be the point were they hug and become a family, but they were wrong.

Hiruzen came up behind Naruto and put a genjutsu on Mina that put her to sleep.

"thanks Jiji, could you hold her while I talk to them" Naruto handed Mina to Hiruzen

Minato stepped forward "I could hold her-"

Naruto glared at him "no" Minato stepped back confused and hurt as Naruto turned to Natsu "tell me, how long have you known you had a twin?"

Natsu frowned and discreetly shot a glare at his four oldest family members "I was only told about three weeks ago"

Naruto smiled "then we're in the same boat. I didn't know I had any living family until Jiji told me about the letter you guys sent. That was 10 days ago. Natus, could you stand with Jiji? I want to talk to these four"

A stunned Natus moved next to Hiruzen while thinking (Wait, he didn't know about any of us. He thought we were dead)

Kushina pouted "Sarutobi-sama, we asked you to keep this a secret"

Kushina withered under the old kage's angry gaze "considering the circumstances, I figured the boy deserved a fair warning"

The four eldest Namikazes were confused as to why Naruto would need a warning to meet his family.

Naruto turned to the four eldest Namikazes and asked "now tell me, why did you Fake your deaths and Abandon me?"

Minato flinched "we are sorry Naruto, but we had to make sure Natsu could control the nine tails. So we trained him all these years"

"and I what? Would've been a distraction?" Minato and Kushina hung their heads in shame and said yes "Ok, I'll buy that, but what I don't understand is if you wanted to train Natsu without interruption, then why did you bring your 4 year old and 5 year old along? Wouldn't they have been distracting? And why did you continue breeding? And don't even consider telling me she was a surprise because I know two are great with seals and would know the anti-pregnancy seal! So why was I left behind? Huh Why did it take 18 years for you arrogant asshol-"

*Slap*

Kushina slapped Naruto "we made mistakes, but we're your family, so don't call us such things" she was mad. This was supposed to be a happy occasion. She didn't realize how lucky she was that Naruto was as well trained as he was cause if he hit back it would not have been pretty.

Naruto leaned over and looked Kushina straight in the eyes "you left me to fend for myself and just expected that everything would go your way. You expected that I would be loved and have a happy life. You never checked on me just assumed everything would work out, that your plan and everything you wanted would be handed to you on a silver platter. That is the epitome of arrogance and I have every right to call you such things cause guess what, I was loved, but I did not have a happy life. I was tortured every day by bloodthirsty villagers because they believe that I'm the host for the nine tails and that I was therefore the demon itself!"

All the Namikazes were shocked at that and Minato glared at Hiruzen. That is until Naruto stepped in front of him "don't you fucking dare glare at Jiji, he did everything he could. He had no choice but to assume I was the holder of the nine tails because he didn't know about my twin or that you all were playing possum or that the children of demon vessels emit demon chakra for a little while. And somehow despite all his efforts to keep me safe everyone found out that I must've been the demon vessel and all that is your fault! Because you decided to play dead I was left alone! Because two of the seal experts were gone there was no one to explain that I wasn't the vessel or even if I was, that I wasn't a demon. IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT I WAS INJURED SO MANY TIMES AND HAD SO MANY ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS ON MY LIFE THAT THAT BECAME MY MEDICAL FILE!" he points at four large file cabinets that were each four drawers tall "THAT ENTIRE THING IS MY HELLISH LIFE AND IT'S WHY I WILL NEVER CONSIDER YOU FAMILY! ... The only ones who will have that chance are Mina and Natsu"

Kushina whimpered "please give us a chance so we can be the family we are meant to be, son"

All four of the oldest Namikazes flinched under Naruto's harsh gaze "you have some nerve asking me that after you just hit me" Kushina flinched "you weren't there to help me. You weren't the ones who took care of me. You weren't there when I nearly died from poison. You. Were. Never. There. So excuse me if I don't feel like having a group hug. You don't deserve to be called mother by me. You don't deserve to be called father or sister. And none of you deserve to call me son or brother or use a suffix at the end of my name as if we know each other until I say otherwise! And if you think you can because we're related by blood, guess what, that argument loses its power when every person in the village has my blood on their hands!"

Minato, Kushina, Mito and Karin were shaking. This was not suppose to happen. This should've been a happy reunion. Naruto was supposed to be happy. Before they get their bearings and start begging for forgiveness Hiruzen gave the little girl to Naruto and dropped the genjutsu on her.

Mina yawned and tugged at Naruto's shirt "can we play?"

Naruto grinned "of course we can, but your mommy, daddy and sisters will be busy reading all those boring files in those cabinets so they can't come. Natsu, would you like to join us?"

The younger orange haired twin looked sadly at the file cabinets "sorry I should go through some files too, but I think I'll join you later" smiled Natsu as he waved good-bye to Mina and Naruto as they left.

Sarutobi smiled "make sure you put everything back in its place when your done- Oh! and Minato, lovely to have you back" he said before leaving.

XXXXXXXXXX

There weren't many places where Naruto could take Mina without a mob coming after him, so he and Hiruzen took her to the Sarutobi compound.

Orochimaru smiled as he watched Naruto and Konohamaru play with little Mina "she's adorable ... wonder if they planned that"

Hiruzen sighed "it's unlikely unless they can manipulate DNA like Naruto ... they're going over his records now"

The snake sage raised an eyebrow "all the records?"

The third shook his head "I removed everything connected to his bloodlines and ROOT anbu career, but besides those, yes everything"

"so how did it go?" asked the worried snake sage

"Arashi didn't show up, Naruto ripped them a new one and ... Kushina hit him"

Orochimaru's eyes widened before narrowing dangerously "she abandons him and she has the nerve to hit him!"

Naruto walked over to them "yeah, got to admit, I didn't see that coming ... hey can one of you take Mina home, I don't want to take any risks with her"

Hiruzen nodded "I'll take her"

XXXXXXXXXX

Sarutobi chuckled at the little girl who had fallen asleep in his arms as he knocked on the door of the Namikaze compound. He was greeted by a pale Minato "I brought little Mina back ... oh Arashi. so you've returned to the land of the living too" Hiruzen smirked when the young blonde man with purple eyes seated at the table flinched. Apparently, everyone brought him up to speed already.

Minato took the sleeping girl "Sarutobi-sama, can you call the entire village? I want to announce the truth as soon as possible, please"

Hiruzen nodded "yes it's about time everyone understood how foolish they were ... you're also going to try to use the Absence Claus to bring Naruto back, aren't you? That isn't a good idea-"

Kushina stood up "we have every right to we're his parents! He should be with us"

Sarutobi sighed "Kushina with every decision comes a consequence. You abandoned your child therefore the consequence is that Naruto doesn't see you as family. He has made his opinion clear so I think you are trying to get what you want by force and that will come back to bite you because you don't deserve to get that" the red head started crying and the Sarutobi pulled out the hokage robes and hat and put them on the table and then put a hand on Minato's shoulder "we won't have to go through the ceremony again which I'm happy about cause making you hokage is the biggest regret of my life"

Minato was crushed even more at Hiruzen's words and as he watch his old friend leave he began to see what a failure he was.

XXXXXXXXXX

"that bitch had some nerve hitting you" hissed Orochimaru as he paced the living room floor.

Naruto shrugged and continued applying seals to a dark green camo print trench coat and a pair of streamlined black goggles "don't let them get under your skin Dad, they aren't worth it"

"why aren't you mad, they abandoned you!" yelled the snake sage

Naruto sighed "of course I'm mad, but not about being left behind. I've been in ROOT for a long time and I know that people make stupid decisions. It's how they tried to force themselves into my life as if they belong that ticks me off, but what can I do, I can't go and strangle them with that little sister I have now ... can I?" he was hoping his Dad would say yes.

Orochimaru shook his head and sighed as he sat on the couch next to Naruto "no you can't ... yeah, using Mina as a shield was pretty low of them, but it's probably the only reason they're still alive, they'll try to use her to get to you"

"yeah I figured that so I talked to her, she knows that as much as I would love to live with her and the others I can't because you and I have to take care of the Sarutobi family what with their crippling disease and all"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow "what disease?"

Naruo smirked "perversity" and the sage burst into laughter.

After catching his breath he asked " ... so how are the new clothes?"

"they're great, finally a color I can live with. I hope I never see neon colors again! ... there I finished putting the seals on. No more kunai pouch!"

The snake nin laughed "you just couldn't wait to get rid of that pouch, could you? Ever since that first ROOT mission were you lost all your weapons because the clasp broke in the fight you couldn't stand those pouches and holsters"

Naruto twitched "how does anyone put up with those irritating contraptions?" Hiruzen walked into the compound "hey Jiji"

Hiruzen frowned "Minato had me call a town meeting, everyone will be in the center of the village in 10 minutes. He's going to announce everything and ... evoke the Absence Clause"

The blonde shrugged "so?" both Orochimaru and Sarutobi stared at him in shock.

"Naruto the Absence Clause is a full proof law made so that ninjas who take long term missions can take their kids back even if they were adopted!" yelled the snake sage.

The blonde nodded "yes, I know, it's built into the documents of every orphanage ... in Japan"

Naruto smirked when he saw the two ninjas shocked faces change to smirks.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto, Orochimaru and Hiruzen were hidden near the stage behind Danzo, Anko, Asuma, Kabuto, Konohamaru and a few ROOT agents. Having Naruto in a place like wasn't a good idea so they hoped Minato would hurry the hell up!

Minato walked out on stage looked out a the stunned faces of the villagers. He explained everything about faking their deaths and the entire crowd erupted in applause. The happy villagers started asking if he was going kill the demon to which Minato replied "why would I kill my own child?" when everyone looked confused Minato explained about Naruto, Natsu and the real demon vessel. Every single person had a look of fear and guilt on their face.

As every ninja and civilian where calculating how big the holes they dug for themselves were in an awkward silence Minato gestured for Naruto to come up on stage "Naruto we want you to stay with us so we can start making amends"

Naruto glared "I can't, what you don't know is that I was adopted when I was six by Orochimaru"

Minato cast a glance at the snake sage before smiling "it doesn't matter because there is a clause in every orphanage that states that any ninja who are away for prolonged periods can have their children returned to them even if adopted, it's called the Absence Clause, they have no power to keep you" the crowd cheered thinking this was a good thing, that they would be forgiven and blonde hokage smiled thinking that Naruto would come with them.

Naruto didn't show it, but he was pissed! Why were they cheering like they off the hook and was he smiling like he just expects me to except it and start calling him Dad? These assholes don't deserve an easy way out!

He chuckled "you know, when I was three a mob of people beat me with in an inch of my life and tossed me into the streets before burning every traced that I lived at the orphanage. You should've checked the place where you dumped me because did you know they don't keep demons" several people flinched "a few years later my Opa, Danzo, took me to a new orphanage which is where I was adopted, so I refuse to stay with you and you can't make me"

The hokage grabbed Naruto's arm as he turned to leave "the Absence Clause is active in every orphanage in Japan ..." Minato let his sentence trail off when he saw Naruto smirking, he had a bad feeling.

"I never said I was taken to another orphanage in Japan Hokage-sama. In fact, Jiji and Opa at the time were afraid that some ninja would find the seal so Opa took me to his home town in Germany and Orochimaru adopted me from the orphanage there, so like I said I won't be staying with you and you can't make me" he yanked his arm way "and you people" he pointed at the audience "none of you should think you're going to play innocent and get off easy. You will never be forgiven for the shit you've put me through" he walked off the stage leaving a shocked and heartbroken hokage and an entire village of guilty people behind.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto, Konohamaru, Hiruzen and Orochimaru made their way back to the Sarutobi compound.

Hiruzen sighed "I can't believe they would go so far drag you to them. They didn't even consider your feelings on the matter"

"at least things with the villagers will stop now, right?" asked Konohamaru

The snake sage frowned "don't be so sure of that, yes the beatings and things like that will stop, but those idiots will still be coming after Naruto ... Naruto where are you going?" asked Orochimaru when he saw the blonde turn and start walking in the opposite direction.

Naruto looked at them and devil horns appeared on his head and a pointed tail came out from behnd his plain civilian jacket "didn't you hear? The fourth hokage is back! I'm going to throw a party" a forked tonuge flickered out of his mouth as he left.

Hiruzen looked nervous "dear lord, he's plotting something diabolical, you know what that means"

Konohamaru nodded "keep the doors and windows locked until the screaming stops"

XXXXXXXXXX

The blonde ROOT agent looked at his army of clones "Group 1, you're in charge of paint. Group 2, hair dye. Group 3, itching powder. Group 4, clothes. Group 5, spiking foods. Group 6, plumbing. Alright go fourth my minions and wreak havoc on Konoha Mwahahaha *cough* I shouldn't *cough* do that"

What is the village hidden in the leaves in for?


	5. I Will Not Kill My Team Maybe

**I don't own Naruto or any anime OR anything and I don't make a profit off of my stories**

**Rated M for sexual content and language and violence**

**(**I'm thinking)  
>"I'm speaking"<br>**"Demon / summon / ghost speaking"  
>(Demon  summon / ghost thinking)  
><strong>/Author's comments\

**This is Yaoi Male x Male**

**Pairing: Harem – Naruto x OC 'Dan' / Ranmaru /**

**Last Time:**

What is the village hidden in the leaves in for?

XXXXXXXXXX

Mayhem, chaos, disorder, havoc, bedlam, pandemonium, tumult, uproar, turmoil, commotion, all hell broken loose, trouble, disturbance, insanity, madness, madhouse, and even maelstrom.

It really doesn't matter what word or phrase you use cause there isn't anything that can fully comprehend the current state of Konoha ...

One district had all it's plumbing tweaked so that sewage came out of every faucet and shower. That district was the farthest away from Mina ... he didn't want to risk Mina smelling that crap ...

The rest of the village was coverd in paint and glue bombs, every single civilian was either a colorful mess or stuck together in a big sticky ball of people ...

The food in the ninja compounds was spiked with a strong tasteless laxative ...

The soap in the Hyuga compound was laced with itching powder ...

The the anbu headquarters was rigged with sticky paint bombs in a lovely assortment of neon colors and feather traps ...

Nearly every bottle of shampoo was replaced with some strange glittery dye that was permanent ...

The clothes of all the ninja clan members were stolen and the garments that were left were frilly dresses, skirts, tutus and costumes - bunnies, chickens, maids, fairies, ect ...

It was bad!

XXXXXXXXXX

The newly instated fourth hokage was in the council chambers wearing a red demon costume with sparkly pink hair and stomach pains as he listened to the council members bitch.

"Hokage-sama you have to stop him!" yelled a lime green haired Hiashi Hyuga who was wearing a orange strapless dress and scratching nonstop.

Danzo and Hiruzen casually strolled into the council chambers looking relaxed and refreshed. They burst into laughter the second they saw the ridiculous outfits ...

Shibi Aburame was in a fairy costume with orange hair ...

Tsume Inuzuka was wearing a bunny costume with bright blue hair ...

Choza, Inoichi and Shikaku were wearing pink tutus and seemed to be having problems with their stomachs ..

and the civilians smelled like shit ...

Tsume snapped "would you stop laughing and get your brat under control"

Hiruzen glared "tell me, is Naruto a highly skilled monster or the deadlast of the academy? You can only pick one and if he isn't the monster you all treated him as then how could the deadliest accomplish something of this scale?"

Everyone now knew that he wasn't a demon, but if he didn't do it then who did? Danzo and Hiruzen mentally smirked, they couldn't believe that rational worked!

"fine, but what do you mean 'treated him like a monster'? We never did anything of the sort" said a civilian council member.

Danzo smirked "my ROOT agents have been investigating you all for years and I gave all of the information to Minato."

Another council member stood up and yelled "you bastard, it wasn't our fault, we didn't know and you hated him too"

"getting into your circle of trust was the only reason I pretended to hate Naruto, I even taped some of our conversations and hokage-sama ..." Minato looked at Danzo "you haven't asked me how I sustained my injuries" he gestured to his bandaged right arm and right eye "on Naruto's seventh birthday, one villager decided to give Naruto a gift and right after that villager became drunk and stated boasting about the special gift ... he was boasting to me and the gift was a bomb ... I managed to find Naruto and throw myself on top of him ... he never accepted any gifts from the villagers after that"

All the council members hung their heads, they were filled with shame and guilt ... and what was worst, they couldn't talk their way out of it.

Minato glared at each council member "yes, thank you for that information. It will help me decide their punishments, but first ..."

Everybody clutched their stomach and raced out of the room and ran towards the restrooms.

"did they make it?" asked Hiruzen who was holding a camera.

Danzo looked down the hall and cringed "almost"

XXXXXXXXXX

Orochimaru watched Naruto put all his weapons and supplies into his storage seals.

22 guns with 50 rounds of ammunition, 500 kunai, 500 shuriken, 30 grenades, 10 flares, medical kit, a torture kit from Anko, 9000 senbon needles, sealing ink with paper, 6 swords, a staff, 4 types of poisons, 50 lbs of C4 explosives and Danzo's recent birthday gift ... a missile launcher complete with 10 missiles.

and that was only his jacket. Naruto has hidden seals on his entire body!

Yes, Naruto was a walking army ... an army with issues.

Danzo and Hiruzen came in laughing their heads off "HA HA HA Naruto that prank was awesome, I got some pictures"

The snake sage eagerly scanned the pictures "OH MY GOD is that Shibi! This is the best prank yet" he laughed.

"why thank you! I was going for a Ferngully vibe with the Aburames"

Danzo looked at the blonde's new outfit which was black anbu pants, black combat boots that had switchblades hidden in the toes, black muscle shirt, black fingerless gloves with brass knuckles and the camouflage print trench coat that went to his ankles.

"these clothes definitely suit you more ... oh I have your goggles, modified with a wireless communication so I can contact you about missions, but don't hesitate to use your chameleons if there's a problem"

Naruto took the goggles and placed them on his head "got it, thanks Opa"

A knock at the door caught everyone's attention and Orochimaru opened it to reveal a pink and green anbu covered in feathers "the hokage wishes to see you Naruto Namik-" the anbu froze in fear as a wave of killer intent hit him.

Hiruzen glared "there is no Namikaze here, only Sarutobis, try again"

The colorful chicken anbu was shaking "I-I'm s-sorry, I m-meant Naruto Sarutobi"

Naruto smirked "why didn't you say so?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was guided by his feathery escort into the council chambers ... which seemed very empty "wow, it seems so clean and fresh in here as if all" he looks at Minato "most of the evil was banished from this dwelling, did you redecorate or perform an exorcism, hokage-sama?"

"show some respect" said the anbu as he shoved Naruto making the blonde flinch. Well, actually that shove didn't hurt, Naruto just flinched to see how Minato would react ... it wasn't pretty.

The anbu was shaking under a terrifying aura of killing intent from Minato "respect is earned, care to guess what you and the hokage earned from me so far? It starts with m 'Con' and ends with 'tempt'" said Naruto

Minato flinched and dismissed the anbu "to answer your question Naruto I disbanded the council and I'm sorry about everything ... we really thought you were being taken care"

"why?"

The hokage blinked "huh?"

Naruto shrugged "why did you think I was being cared for? Were you getting reports or letters or something? Was someone giving you updates?"

Minato frowned "no, we-"

"were just assuming ... you know what they say about assumptions, they make an ASS out of U and ME ... I'm leaving, I need to get to the academy for team assignments"

The older blonde stood up "wait I wanted to tell you about the punishments, I'm having Ibiki go through everyone's memories and having them go through what they did to you ... is that alright with you?"

The ROOT agent scoffed "sure now you ask how I feel? yeah it's fine, it's their own memories so why would I care? Will you be doing- ... oh wait you have no memories of my life" Minato felt like he was stabbed by that comment "tell you what I'll give you and the others some memories"

The hokage blinked "what do you mean?"

A smirk appeared on Naruto's lips "simple, it is your fault I have these memories so you should see what you've done, I want you, Kushina, Karin and Mito to see two weeks of my memories and while your watching I want you to count ... you'll be counting phrases, I'll tell Ibiki your phrases, is this something you'd agree to?"

Minato nodded "Arashi too?" the hokage winced, he didn't mean to mention him.

(so Jiji was right, he is here ... interesting) "who's Arashi?"

The cold glare Naruto was giving him made the hokage flinch "your older brother"

A bitter laugh escaped Naruto's lips "you people are like rats, you see one and you know there's 20 more hiding some where skulking around ... yes him too" with that Naruto left a saddened Minato to his thoughts.

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto went into the class and saw Natsu smiling at him "Hi Naruto, would you like to sit with me?" the orange haired twin asked hopefully.

"yeah sure" he walked past all the other students who looked confused ... either because they thought he failed or because of his new outfit ... and took the seat next to Natsu. He refused to be unreasonable, he won't hold what Minato and the others did against Natsu and Mina.

Kiba sauntered over "hey you must be Natsu, right? Nice to meet, you know Naruto and I are good friends"

The ROOT agent sighed "no we aren't, he just used me as a scapegoat for his lame pranks. I have no friends in the academy"

The dog nin twitched "come on man, lighten up. Thanks to your Dad your a ninja now so cheer up"

"my father is in the research department, he has no power in that regard. If you are referring to Minato then you are stupid since that would be impossible without a time machine. I earned my head band after the exam 10 days before Minato's arrival. Now as I said before I have no friends here so leave"

Kiba frowned "I do want be friends-"*bang* the entire class jumped and saw Kibe clutch his bloody cheek and wailed in pain.

Naruto was holding a gun and watched the blood flow out of the gash "no, you only want to suck up to me and try to make yourself feel better about the way you treated me. The only connection we will have is missions. I have no interest in shallow two-faced friends like you. Now I hate wasting ammo so that's the only warning shot. Go, or the next one lands between your eyes"

The cold look in Naruto's eyes said that he was serious so a frightened Kiba backed off and every person stayed frozen in their seats. Natsu was shaken, but he couldn't blame his brother for fighting back now after everything.

The next person to come through the door was Sasuke and his fangirls, Ino and Sakura ... with one oddity. Sakura walked right past Sasuke and up to Naruto who was regretting putting his gun away.

The pinkette shifted nervously "umm Naruto I was wondering if you were still interested in a date"

A sigh escaped the blonde's lips, he stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders "Sakura the second I saw you I knew that pretending to like you was what I needed to make me look even more like an idiot and less threatening thereby avoiding many beatings, you were actually useful ... Oh, I also started batting for the other team because of you, even though you never had any intention of helping me I thank you for your help" the pink haired girl's jaw dropped.

Naruto sat back down and completely ignored the stunned looks on everyone's faces. They were all hoping that getting his 'crush' would get them off the hook, but if he never even liked Sakura what do they do now?

Iruka came in and made some speech then started listing off the teams "... Team 7 is Naruto Sarutobi, Natsu Namikaze, Sakura Haruno and Sasuke Uchiha with Kakashi Hatake and Kushina Namikaze as their senseis"

The ROOT ninja got out of his seat and stood in front of Iruka "Iruka, would say you owe me after a certain incident?" the chunin instructor nodded "good, would you please kill me?" he handed the raven a kunai that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

Iruka shook his head "I'm sorry, I don't kill comrades even if it would be an act of mercy"

"does that night we shared mean nothing to you?i Is it because of me? You can be on top next time" the blonde pleaded for his death.

"no Naruto, I-... STOP MAKING IT SOUND LIKE WE HAD SEX! THE ONLY THING THAT HAPPENED WAS YOU HELPED STOP THAT TRAITOROUS BASTARD MIZUKI! ... crap" the entire class was staring at Iruka in shock. No one was told about Muzuki.

A snicker could be heard from a certain ROOT agent as he moved back to his seat. Iruka had no choice but to explain what happened and continue assigning teams. Afterwards each sensei came and picked up their team leaving Team 7 to wait. Not that that was a surprise to Naruto, he knew Kakashi's habits ... he makes a point of knowing everything about the people who hurt him and Kakashi was one.

Natsu fidgeted slightly, he wanted to spend sometime with Naruto, but where to start "umm, Naruto ... would you like to get something to eat after this?"

"sounds good"

*poof* a puff of smoke revealed Kakashi and Kushina who told them to meet them on the roof.

30 minutes later ...

Kushina huffed as she waited for Naruto and Natsu to arrive. Sasuke and Sakura were there for 20 minutes already. That's when she heard the twins enter the roof.

"what took you two so long?" she demanded

Naruto shrugged "you never said when to meet and it wasn't that long compared to the two hours you made us wait"

The red head scratched her cheek sheepishly before glaring at Kakashi "well, now that everyone is here lets start the introductions. I'm Kushina Namkaze, i like ramen, my family and training. My dislikes are traitors, people hurt my family and rapists. Hobbies are spending time with my family" Naruto snorted at that making Kushina wince "a-and training. My dream ... is to bring my family back together"

Naruto raised an eyebrow "is there someone missing Namikaze-san? Lets see, there's Natsu, Mina, Karin, Mito and _Arashi_" the harsh tone he used made Kushina pale "who else could there be? A lost brother perhaps?" everyone saw the red head lower her head sadly.

The ROOT anbu ignored everyone's introductions except Natsu's ...

"I'm Natsu Namikaze, I like training and ramen. I dislike fools who hurt other people for something they don't have any control over. My hobbies are training and spending time with my brother. My dream is to become hokage"

A certain blonde sighed "I'm Naruto Sarutobi, I like many things. I dislike many people and ramen ... no offense Natsu, I used to like it, but one day I was hit with violent bouts of bloody vomit and diarrhea ... I thought I was allergic to something, but my Dad insists that it was the fatal levels of some pesky arsenic that somehow found its way into my noodles that made me sick ... haven't been able to eat ramen since then ... I have hobbies and dreams. The end"

Sweat drops appeared on everyones heads do to the lack of information and the to Namikazes actually felt so guilty that they were considering giving up ramen.

Kakashi skillfully hid his guilt behind his mask, he provided Teuchi with the arsenic "ok, we do the next part of this test at training ground 7 tomorrow at 8:00 ... don't eat breakfast or you'll puke .. yes Naruto?" he noticed the blonde was staring at him.

"nothing, you just remind me of this sadistic anbu with a dog mask that took great pleasure in torturing me ... so Natsu, where would you like to eat?" asked Naruto who pretended to not see Kakashi start sweating bullets as Kushina eyed him with suspicion.

The orangette pouted "I don't know this place very well ... where would you like to go?"

"there's a curry shop outside of town?"

Natsu smiled "sounds good" he never saw his mother's sad look as they left her behind.

XXXXXXXXXX

The twins stepped into the shop and took a seat.

A young man with purple hair and red eyes came over "hello, I'm Ranmaru, what you like today?"

They made their orders and as they waited Naruto said "still pissed at them"

Natsu frowned "yeah ... how did you know?"

The ROOT agent shrugged "you didn't say family in your likes"

"I can't help being mad at them, they kept you a secret for no reason and never bothered to check on you ... "

"they made stupid choices, but isn't something to hold against them. I don't hate them for what they did Natsu just how they tried to come into my life as if I should be grateful for just being a blood relative"

Natsu stayed silent for a minute "Naruto ... if things went differently do you think ..."

"that we would've switched places?" he suggested and Natsu nodded "maybe, we'll never know"

Their food came and had a pleasant meal.

After Naruto paid he told Natsu go ahead and when the twin left he turned to Ranmaru "thanks for not saying anything"

Ranmaru smiled "don't mention it, you probably don't want people knowing about your ROOT status ... umm we heard what happened, are you ok?"

Naruto shook his head "not by a long shot, but I'll be fine don't worry"

"we've been friends for years, don't tell me not to worry! I ... I care about you" he stood on his tiptoes and pressed his lips to Naruto's.

The kiss was broken by the blonde "Ranmaru you know I'm dating Dan"

The curry cook nodded "yes, but I don't think he'll mind sharing"

"why would you ..." Naruto face palmed "he was here wasn't he, of course he'd be here" he chuckled.

Ranmaru nodded and smiled "he could tell I liked you and said if you wanted that it was fine with him and to tell you this" he whispered something in the blonde's ear and the reaction was unexpected ... Naruto grabbed him and kissed him ... a long passionate kiss that left the cook flushed and dazed.

That good moment might help Naruto get through the this without killing someone ... might ...


	6. Passing Punishments

**I don't own Naruto or any anime OR anything and I don't make a profit off of my stories**

**Rated M for sexual content and language and violence**

**(**I'm thinking)  
>"I'm speaking"<br>**"Demon / summon / ghost speaking"  
><strong>**(Demon / summon / ghost thinking)  
><strong>/Author's comments\

**This is Yaoi Male x Male**

**Pairing: Harem – Naruto x OC 'Dan' / Ranmaru /**

**Naruto is seme - uke harem**

**possible incest - undecided**

**Last Time:**

That good moment might help Naruto get through the this without killing someone ... might ...

XXXXXXXXXX

8:36 am ...

Four genin waited at the meeting place for the senseis so they could finish they test.

"they say training ground 7 at 8:00, right?" asked Natsu

Naruto sighed "yes they did, but they already showed us that they have punctuality issues ... here" a box of food appeared and he handed it to Natsu.

The smaller orange haired twin felt his stomach growl "but Kakashi-sensel said-"

"technically he _suggested_ not to eat, he didn't order us not to and even if he did why would you listen to someone who makes such a stupid request? Don't eat? We need energy so eating is necessary ... and you know he isn't our sensei until we pass, so eat up"

Natsu smiled, his brother was right so he opened the box revealing several tasty delicacies "wow did you make all this?"

"yep ... are you guys going to eat or what?" the ROOT agent asked the pinkette and the Uchiha.

Sakura and Sasuke looked at the food and they decided not to risk it even if what Naruto said made perfect sense.

One hour later, 9:36 am ...

*poof* the boneheads- I mean senseis arrived.

Kushina grinned "Alright lets get this test-... umm guys?"

None of the soon to be genin even bothered looking up from their game.

"yes, I win!" yelled Natsu

Sakura smiled "your lucky, that's the second time now ... hey we're out of snacks" she said as she looked into the now empty basket Naruto brought. Sakura and Sasuke gave up 30 minutes ago and started eating too.

Kakashi sweat dropped "hey guys, the test"

Naruto raised an eyebrow "when did you guys get here?"

Kushina pouted "can we start the test now?"

The genin stood up and the stuff disappeared into one of the many seals in Naruto's jacket making Kakashi raise an eyebrow (he likes using seals? Wonder when that started and who taught him?) "ok, all you have to do in order to pass is take one of the three bells on my belt"

"but there's only three bells, what happens if we don't get one?" asked pinky

"then you get sent back to the academy ... begin" said Kushina in a cheery voice. Three ninja vanished into the forest, while Naruto laid down on the ground.

Kushina blinked "umm ... Naruto the test"

Naruto looked at them through the black lenses of his goggles "don't worry about me, failing will be in my best interest. After all, I don't like my senseis and I can't stand Duckass and Pinky"

Kakashi and Kushina winced "but what about Natsu?" asked the red head

"I know he'd understand" the blonde shrugged, but then he turned to Kakashi "uncanny" he got up and seemed to inspect the jonin.

The silver haired nin blinked and backed away from the blonde "what is?"

Naruto glanced at the jonin, Kakashi was hiding it well, but Naruto could tell he was nervous "your resemblance to that anbu I mentioned the other day ... oh well, with the punishments starting today, I guess it doesn't matter"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow "punishments?"

Kushina smiled "Minato is punishing everyone who hurt Naruto by having everyone's memories searched and then suffer what they did to Naruto-cha-"

"are you really so selfish and arrogant that you'd add a suffix without gaining even one shred of respect from me? hmmm" asked Naruto as Kakashi paled behind his mask at the thought of his memories being searched.

The red head flinched "I-I'm sorry, it's habit. I sometimes add a suffix to friends and family member's names"

The blonde nodded "I understand, but lets keep the suffixes to friends and family until further notice, kay?" Kushina nodded and turned her head to hide the tears in her eyes ... Naruto didn't consider himself a friend or a family member to her ... that hurt.

At that point Natsu charged Kakashi and the test was on its way ...

(come on Natsu, think, this test is about teamwork. Ask me for help) thought the blonde as he watched his orange haired twin get tossed into the stream nearby.

Natsu dragged himself out of the water and saw Naruto still sitting under a tree "Naruto aren't you going to try to get a bell?"

Naruto shrugged "I don't really want be stuck on a team with Sasuke and Sakura"

"well, you're not leaving me alone with them so come, help me" said the smaller twin as he tried to drag Naruto by the sleeve.

The blonde chuckled "alright, alright, quit tugging. I guess it would be cruel to leave you alone with them, so what's the plan?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Kakashi finished off Sakura with a simple genjutsu which disappointed Kushina "this is sad, our kunoichi should be better than this" said the red head as she looked at the unconscious pinkette laying on the ground. She carried Sakura out of the way as Sasuke attacked Kakashi.

*bang* Kushina spun around saw Kakashi and Sasuke unconscious on either side of a crater and Natsu was standing with Naruto holding a book.

"WOW that worked, shame we couldn't get the bells since he's laying on them, but we got the book ... hey Naruto, are they alright?" asked Natsu as he looked at the downed Uchiha and jonin.

"yeah, it was only a stun grenade ... see they're waking up"

The silver haired jonin stumbled upright "well ... I definitely didn't see that coming ... MY BOOK!"

Natsu smiled "give us the bells or we burn your book" Naruto lit a match and held it near the book.

"NO DON'T HURT MY BABY! I'll-" *beep*beep*beep*beep* "the test is done! Please give her back, there's no point now, please ... please" everyone sweat dropped as Kakashi begged for his book.

Naruto took the book from his twin "since our demands are unfullfilled we have no reason to give this back" and the book burst into flames. A girly shriek came from the jonin before he past out.

"so what about the test? Do we pass?" Natsu asked

Kushina thought a moment "you guys didn't get a bell so-"

"that's ok, they can have mine" said Naruto as he pulled out the three silver bells and gave one to each of the others.

The red head blinked, she saw that there were only stones on strings tied to Kakashi's belt and looked confused, when were the bells taken? "Naruto you have to get the bells before th-"

The ROOT agent nodded "before the alarm goes off, I know. Did you see me take them after the alarm went off?"

"errrr ... no? but-"

The blonde sighed "so if you didn't see me take them _after_ when you were standing right there, that's means I must've grabbed them _before_ even if you didn't see when, right?" Kushina nodded "well, the bells are valid then and I choose to get rid of them"

Natsu pouted "but what about you Naruto?"

Kushina smiled "actually the point of the test was to show teamwork so you all pass thanks to Naruto and Natsu. Our first mission is next week, we'll meet Monday same time and place"

Sasuke smirked as if a sound track of people clapping for him was playing in his head and Sakura followed him like a lost puppy as they left the grounds.

The ROOT agent sighed "well, see ya Natsu-"

The red head grabbed the blonde's arm as he tried to leave "hey Naruto would you like to come over and have dinner-"

"no Namikaze-san"

The woman frowned "you should call me sensei now-"

"why? you haven't taught me anything, so why call you sensei? That'd be like calling you mother when all you did was leave me behind ... well, maybe you did teach me something. You taught me how to abandon family, and you" he kicked Kakashi in the ribs waking him up "taught me how to take all your teachings and spit on them, so I guess I will call you both sensei, feel better?" the two jonin winced at the eeire smile Naruto gave them ... they didn't want to be called sensei anymore "that's settled then, got to go senseis and have fun with your punishments especially you" he glancing at his red haired sensei before leaving.

Kushina was confused by that comment. Why is he wishing her luck? ...

Kakashi was terrified ...

Natsu was pouting cause he wanted to spend time with his brother ...

XXXXXXXXXX

Orochimaru frowned "are you sure you want to show them that week Naruto? I mean, that week was ..."

The blonde sitting on the porch over looking the garden where Mina was playing nodded "bad yeah ... how do you think she got away from her babysitters?" he asked trying to change the subject.

The snake sannin shrugged "no idea" a knock at the door caught their attention.

When Naruto opened the door he found Arashi staring at him "h-hi I'm looking for Mina ummm are you Naruto?"

(yep and I'm the ROOT agent who has been stalking you and knows 50 different kill you so it looks like an accident) he raised an eyebrow "yes I'm Naruto, who are you?"

Arashi looked nervous "I-I'm your o-older brother ..."

Naruto frowned "I see ... Mina, Arashi is here"

"it's time to go home Mina" smiled the purple eyed blonde.

Mina hugged Naruto's leg with a little pout "I don't wanna go, I wanna stay with bigger brother"

Both blondes blinked in confusion so Orochimaru clarified "Naruto is taller than the all of you Namikazes"

The ROOT agent bit back a laugh. It was true! He was at least 6 inches taller than most of them except Minato who was only a couple inches shorter than the ROOT agent. He was also far more musclier as well.

He patted Mina on the head "now now you should go home, I'm sure Natsu misses you"

"ok Naru-nii" said the little girl as Arashi picked her up and left.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Minato what are you doing?" asked Kushina as she saw her husband gathered everyone in the living room.

"keeping a promise to Naruto, you didn't think these punishments were reserved for only the villagers did you? Natsu can you watch Mina tonight?" the orange haired son nodded and took Mina.

Mito frowned "why do we have to? We didn't do anything and we have no memories of Naruto's life" she mumbled sadly.

The hokage nodded "yes, we did _nothing_ and that's why Naruto lived a ... difficult life. So Naruto is giving us a segment of his life to view and he wants us to count phrases"

Arashi raised an eyebrow "count phrases?"

"we'll see what that means when we get to T & I" he said as he ushered most of his family out the door leaving the two youngest behind.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ibiki sighed as he looked at the Namikazes sitting in their chairs, they seemed excited to learn about Naruto ... poor stupid fools "ok Naruto choose the week of his fifth birthday" Ibiki frowned.

The interrogator could tell by the way they smiled that Mito, Karin and Arashi were thinking about their happy birthday and Minato and Kushina were thinking the same ... have they forgotten Naruto's medical records already? It wasn't a happy occasion ...

Naruto's brother figure shook his head and placed a trash can next to each of them "your job is to watch the memory and count the number of times your phrase comes up. Mito, Karin, Arashi you three will be counting 'you deserve this'. Kushina, you're counting 'it can't get away now' and Minato yours is 'let's finish what the Fourth started', ready? Here we go" Ibiki made a hand sign and the Namikazes fell limp in their chairs.

"this won't go well"

10 minutes later ...

They woke with a jolt and started puking their guts out and Ibiki could tell by the smell that somebody had an accident ''what's your final count?"

Minato gasped "369"

"85" cried Kushina in between sobs.

After puking again Mito gave her answer "298"

"277" sobbed Karin

"310" stuttered Arashi

"not bad, but you were all off by a little bit, Kushina you should've said 134 and Arashi was closest, but it was actually 346. Hokage-sama congrats, you were the only one right ... you must be so proud ... keep in mind that was only a fraction of Naruto's life ... good day" he left them in that room so he could begin on the rest of the villagers. He was going to enjoy this ...

XXXXXXXXXX

Naruto laid on his bed wondering what will happen after this day ... will things be easier? Will people bother him? or will everything stay the same?

*knock*knock* "it's open" the ROOT anbu called and he heard someone come in "Ranmaru, what are you doing here?"

Ranmaru smiled "I thought you could use some company" he found a spot to sit down ... in Naruto's lap.

"I could" he kissed the red eyed curry cook. He slipped hand into Ranmaru's shirt and played with a nipple earning a mewl from the purple haired male. Naruto flipped Ranmaru so that he was on top and started exploring. He found several sensitive spots that made the curry cook moan and thrash when caressed.

A hot mouth sucked on his nipple "ahhh ahhh oh is this way ahhh your room is apart from the rest compound ooooh" moaned the curry cook. He and Naruto were completely naked now and the flushed purplette was thrashing under the blonde's touch.

The ROOT anbu smirked as he pumped the weeping erection earning a scream as Ranmaru came spilling his seed onto the blonde's hand "I mostly wanted a separate place so I didn't bother anyone when I returned from a mission, but this is a good reason too ... you like it when I touch you here, don't you?" he chuckled as he slipped a cum coated finger into Ranmaru making the smaller male's hips buck wildly ... one finger became two ... two became three ...

"YES oooh yes Naruto ahhh put it in ahhh" Ranmaru mewled as the tip of the ROOT agent's big thick cock nudged his virgin hole. He threw his head back in a silent scream as he was filled by the huge manhood. Naruto hit something deep inside Ranmaru making the purplette scream and tighten around the blonde's cock. The ROOT agent adjusted so he'd hit that sweet spot with every curry cook wrapped his legs and arms around Naruto and held on.

Ranmaru felt his release coming "Naruto I ahhh I'm cumming ahhh"

Naruto groaned "let's come together" the both came and collapsed onto the bed together ...

Everyday and night over the next week Ranmaru and Naruto spent together, which made the start of missions much easier for Naruto.

... fucking D rank missions!


End file.
